Misadventures in Johto
by CrazyRabidPony
Summary: May and Drew travel together in a totally random and humorous adventure to the Johto Grand Festival! Dedicated to Jenvaati and NeDenCandy.
1. Beware, People of Johto!

Pony: Here's a Contestshipping parody for all! This parody is also dedicated to a couple of friends of mine that have written or are writing Contestshipping parodies themselves and who are also great reviewers of mine.

Disclaimer Dude: Not that I'm complaining, but what about your other fanfictions?

Pony: Shhhhh! They're sleeping.

Disclaimer Dude: ... My fault for asking.

Pony: Disclaimer Dude! Do your disclaiming!

Disclaimer Dude: Pony doesn't own Poke'mon or any references that may appear in this story.

**Misadventures in Johto**

_Chapter One: Beware, People of Johto! May Has Arrived!_

May arrived at the shores of Olivine City ready to begin her exciting journey to the Johto Grand Festival (either that or terrorize the poor vulnerable people of Johto with her hyper May powers of hyper Mayness! Bwahahahahahaha!). Before going straight to the Poke'mon Center to rent a room like a certain green-haired coordinator would have done, May took the time to glomp a random unsuspecting Shuckle that was juggling berries. Next, she went window shopping. There, May decided to taste the double-glazed windows to find out if they were anything like the double-glazed doughnuts that were served on the ferry. Then, after May was thrown out, she toured the towering lighthouse and met Amphy the lovable Ampharos that kept the lighthouse lit(and schooled Poke'mon on how to juggle berries. The Poke'mon it taught were sworn to juggle only berries or they shall face the ultimate punishment, which is unknown as of now).

"Oooohhh... pretty...!" May gasped in awe at Amphy's glowing tail as she was drawn to it like prey to a Lanturn.

Amphy eventually grew annoyed after a while of May poking the glowing orb at the end of its tail. It trapped May inside of a giant tuna-flavored watermelon(don't ask how Amphy did it. I really don't know) and tossed her out the window where she finally landed on an overgrown Roselia. The impact caused the watermelon to break open, releasing May. Roselia had fainted from being squashed by an abnormally large and abnormally flavored watermelon and was tended by none other than Drew.

"I'll get you back to the Poke'mon Center soon, Roselia," Drew said to Roselia. The Absol and Butterfree following suit looked at their master as if he was becoming mildly insane. They figured that he knew Roselia didn't hear him due to being unconscious.

When May saw Drew next to her, her excitement grew the size of Mt. Rushmore with each of the president heads wearing a sombrero(except for Theodore Roosevelt. He was wearing a cowboy hat. You see, on that very day at the monument, a competition was being held for the young children. If they could guess which one was different, they would win a brand new convertible with an engine made entirely made out of cheese! Their greedy parents took the new car and since the engine didn't work, they ended up in an accident and sued the people who gave away the car. They won't be doing that ever again.), then her face fell when she realized what had happened.

"I'm so sorry, Roselia!" May apologized to Roselia's unconscious self.

Absol and Butterfree had suspected that May was already mildly insane.

"Roselia?" May had already forgotten that Roselia had been knocked out and she poked her, "Wakey, wakey."

"May, stop that," Drew commanded in an annoyed, but soft tone.

"Yes, Master Drew," May stopped poking Roselia.

"Thank you," Drew withdrew Roselia into her poke'ball and he rose from his kneeling position.

Then a Poke'mon pounced on May and began to lick up the bits of watermelon that stuck to her. It wasn't just any Poke'mon, it was a Persian. It wasn't just any Persian, it was a shiny Persian. It wasn't just any shiny Persian, it was a well-bred shiny Persian. May giggled happily as the sleek and beautiful snowy white Persian licked her face.

"RAMSES! NO!" a female voice boomed from a distance. The shiny Persian instantly obeyed and approached his mistress.

The female trainer donned a pink outfit worn by every traditional princess of the desert. She wore a very thin see-through veil that barely passed her chin. A necklace of platinum gold encrusted with real diamonds threatened to strangle her if tightened anymore. She was bound with bracelets and anklets of pure gold. Her hair was long and black and silky, her skin was very tanned from the beating of the desert sun, and her eyes a fiery golden brown that glared wisps of flames when angered.

"You don't know where that thing has been!" the young woman pointed at May while scolding at Ramses.

"Hey!" May yelled angrily and she scrambled to her feet.

"IT'S ALIVE!" the desert-bred female person shrieked in horror. Ramses jumped up and clung onto his trainer.

" I am NOT a thing!" May bellowed. Foam began forming at the corners of her mouth.

"AND IT'S RABID!" the young lady shrieked in horror again. Ramses clung onto his owner even tighter.

"You have no idea," Drew blurted in an attempt to receive some attention from May, but was ignored. Poor Drew.

"I am NOT rabid!" May's eye twitched and she wiped away the foam.

A Krabby scuttled by May and used Water Gun to wash away the bits of watermelon. After no traces of watermelon could be found on her body, the Krabby happily accepted a Poke'block as a tip and it scuttled off before it was captured by a random trainer and traded for a Fisher's Voltorb.

Ramses' grip loosened and he let himself down onto the ground after he and his mistress realized that May wasn't a horrible screaming rabid watermelon monster of doom.

"Oh, it's a girl," the woman stated the obvious dully, "Come, Ramses, we have infinitely more important things to do other than socialize with commoners."

"Peeeeerrrsian," Ramses purred and they went on their way strutting gracefully as if they had come from royalty. Well, they kind of did decend from royalty, but miss authoress does not feel like explaining it.

May was astonished on how the young woman she encountered had treated her as if she was some kind of filthy peasant that was still stuck in the days of King Arthur. Drew took an immediate dislike to the woman for talking like that about May.

"Don't worry about her, May," Drew attempted to consol May who had only seconds ago curled up into a ball on the ground and began whimpering like a lost Growlithe pup, "She's just another one of those meanie-heads you should never listen to."

May immediately looked up at Drew from her fetal position and gave him a questioning facial expression, "Do you really think that, Drew?"

"Yeah...," Drew raised a brow at May's strange behavior, " May...?"

"Yeah?" May looked from the cursing rock(that's right, a cursing rock.) that she was poking.

"Are you feeling... all right?" Drew asked worriedly.

"Oh! Don't tell me! I know this one!" the rusty cogs in May's head struggled to turn as she pondered. Her eyes brightened up in somewhat realization and she sprang to her feet, "What is 1925?"

"Maybe we should go inside," Drew suggested as his shoulder pointed in the direction of the Poke'mon Center.

"Okay!" May chirped as she followed Drew to the Poke'mon Center with Absol and Butterfree following suit.

_I think Master Drew's future mate has completely lost her mind_, Absol said to Butterfree.

_I agree_, Butterfree nodded.


	2. Not Another Teen Rival!

Pony: Hey, guys! Here's the next chapter!

Disclaimer Dude: Pony doesn't own Poke'mon or any references that may appear in this story.

**Misadventures in Johto**

_Chapter Two: Not Another Teen Rival!_

May tailed Drew as he approached the counter to heal his Roselia.

"May?" Drew turned to his absent-minded friend after Nurse Joy took Roselia's Poke'ball, "Did you get a room yet?"

May's eyes widened in panic, "Oh-no! I need to sign up for the contest!" May ran around in circles and flailed her arms.

"I didn't say anything about the contest!" Drew informed.

"Drew! The contest! What'll I do?!" May yelled in Drew's face.

"Register?"

May blinked, "That's a brilliant idea! C'mon, Drew!" May grabbed Drew's wrist and dragged him out of the Poke'mon Center.

May was completely oblivious to the large sign next to her that pointed in the direction of the Contest Hall.

"I wonder where the Contest Hall is?" May looked around while Drew wondered if it was something in Johto's air that robbed the girl's sanity, "If only there was a sign that showed me where to go..."

... Or cut a portion of her I.Q. points. The sign next to her sweat dropped.

"Drew, look! This sign is sweat dropping! How funny..."

... Or both. The sign face faulted.

"Look, Drew! The sign fell over! How strange..."

... Yep, both.

_You're strange, May_, Drew thought,_ I'm worried about you._

"The Contest Hall is over there," Drew pointed at the large building that the sign had previously been pointing at.

"Oh, okay, let's go in!" May ran toward the building in excitement and Drew ran after her.

May soon registered herself and her Poke'mon at the front desk.

"Good luck!" said Vivian.

"Thanks!" May turned to Drew as they headed towards the exit, "Do you need to register?"

"Already have," Drew flicked his hair; a habit known by many fans as the 'Drew Thing'.

May sweat dropped, "Right...," She looked ahead and spotted the young woman she encountered earlier training her Persian. May decided to try to make nice with her. She greeted the teenager as she approached her, "Hi!"

The woman ceased her training and glanced at May and Drew, "Do I know you?"

"We kind of met earlier. I'm May."

"Hmph," Drew 'hmphed' out of jealousy because he wasn't getting any attention from May.

"And this is Drew," At least he got some attention.

The young lady retorted her nose in the air, "I am Tabari Rih Bint Ishtar Adeed, granddaughter of the richest and most powerful man in the world of Poke'mon breeding, Sheik Ali Rih Bint Ishtar Adeed."

"That's nice," May said simply with a huge grin on her face.

Tabari's eye twitched, _That's nice?!_, she thought angrily, _How dare she speak of my superior family name and heritage like that! She will pay!_

Little did the small group know that everyone's favorite purple-haired fruit loop and his Poke'mon were watching the scene from behind a rack of surfboards with the cast of 'Full House' painted on them.

"Well, well. If it isn't little May and her stuck-up friend, Drew...," Harley said to himself like he normally does on a regular basis(He once got himself locked up in a lunatic asylum because he had been caught talking to himself. He rehearsed his testimony that he wrote on the walls of his padded room with lipstick that he had to hold in his toes because his arms were bound by a straight jacket. The judge let Harley go after hearing his testimony and after having his whole arm bitten off. The judge was a giant gummi bear).

May had bent over to pet Ramses.

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY POKE'MON WITH YOUR FILTHY WET GLOVES!" Tabari screamed at May, causing her to jump up in fright and cling onto Drew.

May's clothes were still wet from being washed down by the random Krabby.

"The nerve!" Tabari turned away from the two children, "Let's continue our training, Ramses."

"Peeeerr," Ramses purred.

May immediately let go of Drew when she realized that she was clinging onto him. They both blushed.

"Yeah... Let's get Roselia," Drew said in order to bread the awkward silence between them.

"You're right, Drew. Let's go eat!" May happily skipped off in a random direction. Drew rolled his eyes and followed her.

Harley stared at Tabari with adoring eyes. He was thrilled to see someone yell like that at May. He sighed happily and turned to his Poke'mon who were concerned about him.

"Oh, my little minions...," he addressed his Poke'mon, "I think I'm in love...!"

His Poke'mon gasped and fainted from shock. Banette had a heart attack and died... until he realized that he was already a ghost Poke'mon and no signs of him even having a heart attack were found.


	3. The Flower, the Fruit, and the

Pony: Here's a chapter filled with Harleyness!

Disclaimer Dude: No!

Pony: You're such a kidder, Disclaimer Dude! Do your disclaiming!

Disclaimer Dude: Pony doesn't own Poke'mon or any random references appearing in this story.

Pony: I want to thank my reviewers and for the person who said that May isn't like the way I made her out to be, I know she isn't. In a humor piece like this, you can do anything you want!

Disclaimer Dude: That's scary.

**Misadventures in Johto**

_Chapter Three: The Flower, the Fruit, and the Little Green Alien_

Harley gazed upon the desert flower as she trained her seemingly purrfect Persian(the pun was intended. Mwahahaha!).

"Her hair is like a waterfall of obsidian in the sunshine!" Harley gushed as he clasped his hands together. His Poke'mon regained consciousness, "And the way she shouted at May... her voice was like sugar-coated honey..."

A tiny green being with antennae and big eyes appeared into thin air at Harley's shoulder.

"You do realize that the person you are smitten with is a woman, right?" the green man that was only visible to Harley and his Poke'mon queried. Cacturne, Banette, Ariados, and Wigglytuff knew what was coming, so they placed a bag of popcorn kernels in a microwave that had appeared like the tiny green alien.

"Kazoo, of course I know she's a woman!" Harley yelled in resentment.

"It's _Gazoo_, dum-dum," the great Gazoo corrected in great annoyance, "_Ga_-_zoo_."

"Well, so-rry, _Ga_-_zoo_!"

"And don't take this the wrong way, dum-dum," Gazoo began, "But the majority of your fans assumed that you... are gay..."

Ding! The popcorn was done and Harley's Poke'mon began to eat while watching their owner interact with a little green alien.

Harley blinked in surprise, "What?! Where would anyone get a silly idea like that?!"

Cacturne, Banette, Ariados, and Wigglytuff exchanged looks.

"I hate cameos," Gazoo grumbled. Then he exploded when he was hit in the head with a few pieces of flying popcorn. Gazoo was highly allergic to popcorn.

The explosion caused Harley to lunge at the rack of surfboards in surprise. The rack had wheels and it began to move.

"Oh, snickerdoodles...," said Harley when he realized what was happening and he clung onto one of the surfboards.

The rack rolled and rolled until it collided into a giant pickle, catapulting Harley and the surfboard he was clinging onto. He flew over the beach and splashed into the ocean. Then Harley leaped out of the water with a Carvanha snapping at his behind. He landed on the floating surfboard while the Carvanha fell back into the water. Carvanha resurfaced, glaring at Harley with malice. Before it's fangs could rip an opening in Harley's bottom and reveal a pair of women's underwear, Carvanha dove back into the sea from a large dosage of Harleyness. The purple-haired psycho sighed in relief and he paddled back to shore.

_What-a-creature was that-a, Papa?, _the Carvanha asked a Sharpedo next to him in an Italian accent.

_Ahhh, that, my little prodigy, is a creature we have no desire to feast upon_, the Sharpedo replied in a Spanish accent.

_Why-a-not-a, Papa?_

_Our kind do not eat fruit_, the Sharpedo swam off leaving his confused son to continue his hunt for food.

"Mama mia!" Mario, who randomly showed up, exclaimed randomly. Carvanha lunged at him, "I hate-a-the cameos!"

Carvanha devoured Mario. Oh well, Princess Peach had always liked Luigi better anyway.

Harley discarded the surfboard and he stepped on the beach where his Poke'mon were waiting for him.

_Are you okay?_, Wigglytuff asked Harley even though she knew he didn't understand her.

Harley fell to his knees and sobbed, "Ruined! This costume is dry clean only!"

_There, there,_ Banette patted his master's back as he wailed like a baby with gas.

Then the purple-haired crybaby put himself together after Cacturne had slapped him across the face, "Is she still there?" he asked his Poke'mon.

The four Poke'mon shook their heads in unison and Harley sighed. He withdrew them into their Poke'balls and slowly made his way to the Poke'mon Center to rent his room and iron his costume.

-----------------scene change thingy---------------

May ran through the glass doors of a café like a raging Tauros in a glass door shop(this metaphor was often used until the Tauros finally learned not to trash a glass door shop when the glass shards got caught in his hooves and it moved to wrecking china shops). Drew pushed open the broken glass doors to find his female friend waiting for him at a booth.

"Come on, Drew!" May urged Drew in a mixture of excitement fueled by hunger and anticipating a chance to dine with him(but mostly hunger).

"Hmm," Drew nodded. He strode over to the booth and joined May. Their table was shaped like a chicken nugget.

The waiter walked over to May and Drew and handed them their menus. When I say 'walked', I mean 'floated'. For their waiter was the Sharpedo with the Spanish accent. The Sharpedo donned a bow tie under his chin and a name tag on the right side of his lower jaw that read 'Pedro'.

"Good afternood, children. Welcome to Sharky's Café where you are not just eh customer, you are eh chum. My name is Pedro and I shall be serving you," said Pedro who had recently obtained the ability to talk and float in midair without dehydrating and shriveling up like a raisin.

----flashback thingy----

Pedro the Sharpedo pouted in self-pity as he gazed into the sky from the ocean.

_Oh, how I wish I could speak the language of humans and float in tha air without dehydrating and shriveling up like eh raisin!, _Pedro shouted to the sky, _I want to open up eh restaurante' and serve the good people eh quality dining!_

Then something amazing happened! It happened! Pedro the Sharpedo got what he desired. He got it because he was giving back to the community(or maybe because he bribed or threatened someone. Will we ever find out? Who knows? Who cares?)

----end of flashback thingy----

For lunch, May and Drew ate like Grumpigs. Well, May did. While Drew ate a bowl of beef-flavored ramen noodles and a slice of Boston creme pie, May had eaten the amount to fill all four stomachs of a Miltank. She ate twelve bowls of ramen, eleven blocks of cheddar cheese, ten bowls of curry, nine chocolate milkshakes, eight pieces of Boston creme pie, seven slices of cheese pizza, six barbequed chicken wings, five glazed doughnuts(ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum), four cheeseburgers, three hot dogs, two pine cones, and a Pidgey in a pear tree(the Pidgey used Teleport that it learned from an Abra and it escaped the wrath of May's stomach acid).


	4. Dancing Burritos!

Pony: Yay for another chapter!

Disclaimer Dude: This chapter is called 'Dancing Burritos'?!

Pony: Yep!

Disclaimer Dude: This chapter has absolutely NOTHING to do with dancing burritos!

Pony: Shhh, Disclaimer Dude! You'll give it away!

Disclaimer Dude: ... Okay... Pony doesn't own Poke'mon or any references...

**Misadventures in Johto**

_Chapter Four: Dancing Burritos_

Drew never imagined that May had such terrible table manners, but that did not matter to him. What bothered him was the amount of food that she was consuming.

"May, if you keep eating like that, you'll get fat," Drew warned(and rhymed) in the threatening voice of a health doctor(and a preschool teacher).

"Drew! That's not nice!" May scolded Drew in a very loud voice that almost made him shrink back in fear like a man being yelled at by his pregnant wife with raging hormones.

A Poke'mon family watched the demented food disposal in rage mode, then resumed their meal together. The Poke'mon family consisted of a papa Ursaring, a mama Ursaring, and a wee little baby Teddiursa in a highchair.

_Waiter_! the papa Ursaring called. Pedro approached their table, which was shaped like an army boot jump roping with a coffee mug.

"Is everything okay, Senor?" Pedro asked the distraught Ursaring.

_No_! Ursaring sobbed, _My porridge is too cold_!

"Senior, that is not porridge," Pedro said calmly and reassuringly to the papa Ursaring, "It is simply eh bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats in cold milk."

Papa Ursaring sniffled and he looked into Pedro's eyes, _Really_...?

"Si," Pedro nodded, "Really."

A smile appeared on Papa Ursaring's muzzle and his eyes welled up with tears of joy. He opened his powerful arms and embraced Pedro.

_T-Thank you so much_! Papa Ursaring cried happily, _This is the happiest moment of my life_!

Pedro sweat dropped, but smiled as Papa Ursaring released him from the bear hug. Papa Ursaring had a puzzled expression as he continued to stare at Pedro, whose sweat drop grew larger, "What is the matter, Senor?"

_I'm confused_, said Papa Ursaring.

_What else is new_? Mama Ursaring said out of nowhere and not wanting to be forgotten about by the readers.

_Yes, dear_," Papa Ursaring sweat dropped at his wife's comment before turning back to Pedro, _I hope you don't mind me saying that your skin is very smooth_! _I thought Sharpedos have rough skin._

"They do, but not me!" Pedro proclaimed proudly, "Because I use lotion! Lots en' lots of lotion! I make my skin smooth so my customers won't get hurt from my Rough Skill ability."

Satisfied with the answer, Papa Ursaring smiled and turned his attention back to his family. Later, the Poke'mon family rewarded Pedro with a five-hundred dollar tip.

Drew eventually got May to calm down after injecting her with a handful of tranquilizers. He soon began to dread the pricey bill as Pedro was approaching.

"Do not worry about the check, my friend," Pedro smiled as Drew looked at him in confusion, "The first visit is free!"

Drew's eyes widened in surprise, "Really?"

"Si," Pedro replied, " Really."

"Wow, thanks!" Drew looked back at May, who was completely zoned out. He pulled her out of the seat and dragged her back to the Poke'mon Center, which had miraculously gained a second story, "Things just keep getting weirder."

"Helloooo, Drew!" sang an annoying high-pitched voice that sent shivers down Drew's spine. Drew automatically knew that it was Harley and he tried to ignore the purple-haired fiend of doom.

A scowl appeared on Harley's face as the young boy he was addressing ignored him, "That's an awfully rude way to greet a friend!"

"We're not friends," Drew stated, still not facing Harley, "Now get off of May."

Harley looked down and he saw that he had been standing on May's unconscious body, "Oh, dear! I'm so sorry!" Harley faked good-nature and hopped off of May, but internally grinned evilly in satisfaction for getting to step on his enemy.

"Yeah, right," Drew wasn't giving in to Harley's feign.

By now Harley was having gruesome images of Drew's demise. He looked at May and pretended to be worried about her, "What has happened to poor little May? Is she gonna be all right?"

"She'll be fine once the tranquilizer wears off," Drew said sternly and he dragged May inside the Poke'mon Center with Harley wondering what he would be doing with tranquilizer.

_I'll get you someday, Drew! And your little May too! Muahahahahahahahaha!_, Harley laughed evilly in his head while lightning flashed behind him even though it was a sunny day.

The lightning suddenly disappeared when Harley noticed the second story on the Poke'mon Center, "Now how did that get there?"

"It was built, duh," came a female voice that sounded like the chorus of a thousand angels in Harley's ears.

Harley turned around and there she was... the woman born and raised in the deserts of a foreign world of royalty. He stared at her adoringly. She stared at him in irritation.

"Well? Aren't you going to say something or just stand there with that ridiculous look on your face?" she asked Harley rudely.

_I must make a good first impression!_, thought the lovesick fruit loop, _Time to put on the Harley charm!_

"Oh my gosh!" Harley exclaimed, making Tabari jumped back in fright, "Your hair is so beautiful!"

Tabari grinned smugly, "Well, it's about time someone noticed how beautiful my hair is."

"You mean no one has noticed?" Harley gasped, "I simply cannot imagine!"

"Ridiculous isn't it?"

"It is! Shame on those who didn't notice!" Harley decide to comment on her other features, "Your outfit is so stylish! My eyes finally get refreshment from all these other fashion rejects!" Harley recieved a few angry glares from people passing by, but he didn't notice.

"Really? You don't think this outfit makes my butt look big?" Tabari asked as she modeled off her rear end for Harley to see.

"Absolutely not!" Harley replied, still staring at her butt, "It looks sliming on you! I bet you are even slim without it!"

Harley's eyes widened in horror when he realized the last part he said might have been offensive. He mentally beat himself up, _I blew it! I blew it! I blew it!_

"Not that I would want to see you without your outfit because that would be inappropriate!"

"Yes. Now allow me to introduce myself. I am Tabari Rih Bint Ishtar Adeed."

_Thank goodness! I didn't blow it! I didn't blow it! I still have a chance!_, Harley grabbed Tabari's hands and he leaned into her, "A wonderful name worthy to be the name of a goddess!"

Tabari donned another smug grin.

"You don't happen to be related to Sheik Ali Rih Bint Ishtar Adeed, would you?" Harley asked knowingly.

"Indeed. I am his granddaughter," Tabari's smug smile turned into a regular happy smile, "It's about time I meet someone around here who has heard of him."

"Of course! I happen to know that he's the richest and most powerful man in the world of Poke'mon breeding!" Harley informed his 'knowledge' of Tabari's heritage.

"You said it just as I would have... Have you been spying on me?" the young princess grinned in pure mischief.

Harley began sweating nervously, "Uhhh... no?"

"I was fooling, ...," Tabari hesitated, "I haven't caught your name."

"How rude of me!" Harley gushed, "My name is Harley!"

"Well, Harley. I'm sure we shall get along well!"

"So do I...," Harley said in pure adoration.


End file.
